'Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you' - Khalil Gibran
2023 marks the year where my 2 children have finished and completed their SPM's. For those who live beyond Malaysia - SPM is the equivalent to the O Levels (somewhat), and something like the SAT's (perhaps). Man, only 10 years ago I can distinctly remember getting my kid ready for school, sending him off daily in the mornings, sorting my mornings with work, daily rituals and habits and then picking him up form school. Having lunches together and enjoying the rest of the day painting, playing lego or board games, awaiting dinners - And repeating these daily routines for a successive number of years. Well, that is all gone now, replaced with new rituals and habits. One has to learn to let go of the past - for in doing so, brings about new adventures and experiences. He is 17. And working now. And has a driving license. Which he uses to take my car out for excursions with his friends. Or to work. But somehow, still comes home to sleep, to be around and help out around the house and they (I have another kid, who is living with us whom I regard as a daughter) very honourably - take the time to do family things together, when asked. Outings, dinners and the like. They communicate and listen fairly well, are responsible and have good moral compasses. This stage of life, to me - Is about waiting. Waiting for the day they move out, find their voices and vocations. Spreading their wings. Which, will inadvertently happen sooner or later. One of the defining and driving reasons for this is to escape my constant (albeit important) nagging. Hah! It's the gap between being a school leaver and being a full fledged adult that this grinding, chiselling, reminding and shaping of the young mind is about. Without our parents we would be a shell of what we could ultimately be. And I think, that's what parents (for me, for sure) need to be reminded of. Our responsibility to nurture, push, harness, convince, bribe (hah!), thwart and to necessitate the unfolding and grooming that every young adult (or old child) needs. It's a responsibility and both a curse and a blessing to be in a position of this sort. Our voices will become their inner voices. So choose your words carefully and mindfully. And so while I wait, I count my blessings. And look back on a rough and tough, enlightening and amazing journey that has defined my past 10+ years. Both for me and for my children. Given the choice to do it again - I would do it the same way. With resilience, faith, mindfulness and with love and kindness. Of course, I was also brutal and forceful at times - But we all learn from our mistakes. And it is with utmost relief and appreciation that my kids know that I want the best for them. And everything that I did or did not do, was for the greater good. Having written that - yes, the 'best' could mean an infinite number of things. Sometimes it also means just letting go, and letting kids and young adults find their own way. I think, that if you have the foresight, hindsight and proper perspective and outlook on life's teachings, journeys and events - You'll see that even in the darkest of times, the light was always there. One is not able to peer into the darkness without some form of beam or vision. Knowing that we have that ability is the first step towards accountability, responsibility and awareness. I think the hard part is over now. The kids know where to look, what to look at, how to self reflect, how to negotiate, how to be humble and most importantly, how to (albeit slowly) integrate their (1) Shadow selves and (2) inner child into this thing called being an adult. The latter is hugely important because the inner child lives on in all of us. He/she lives through us and our actions. What we do to either quell or acknowledge him/her is our choice and responsibility. It is with proper, healthy and stable integration - that we blossom into our fullest selves. And this is where I will stop writing about this matter, for now. Because if I keep on writing, I could end up going on and on. And this would end up being a thesis. Not my intention for today. 'You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.' - Carl Jung
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
February 2024
Categories
All
|